Finding Peace in God’s Providence

Suffering

  • Beauty in Weakness

     We were celebrating Mother’s Day a couple years ago in true Mother’s Day style by walking through a nursery picking out flowers to plant for my mom. A day dedicated to honoring my mother, yet here I was, left out and on a bench, yet again, trying to catch myself from fainting. Just when I started to feel abandoned by God in that lonely moment in a group of people, a beautiful picture came to mind. Across the way I noticed beautiful blooming Easter lilies. Yellow and white, bright in color, yet it was their stature that stood out to me. They don’t stand up tall, rather droop from the weight of life. Kinda like me and my disautonomia, I thought. They’re beautiful inspite of their weaknesses. Very similar to the way God looks at us. Sinful creatures weighed down with the weight of life, yet He sees the beauty of His Son in us as we are made in the image of God. I was reminded of the apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 2:9 NIV which says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” That’s exactly what the Easter lilies do. They boast about their weaknesses, and His power is made perfect in them by His artistic Hand resting upon them. His power is made perfect in the presence of weakness, not the absence of it. Me and my disautonomia might be just the very thing that people might see Christ’s power resting upon me as I suffer for Christ. A chance to be made beautiful inspite of drooping from the weight of life. A chance to proclaim God’s goodness in the midst of weakness. If the Easter lilies can do it, I can too.

  • Dear Younger Me

    If I could go back to that beautifully broken 12 year old in these photos and give her a little pep talk, this is what I’d say:
    Dear younger me, you can’t make yourself a good Christian. This is something you must understand. No matter how much you read your Bible, pray, memorize scripture, go to church, and do good things, you can’t make yourself worthy. Only Jesus, working in you through the Holy Spirit, can transform your character and make your work last eternally. That’s why the New Testament talks about the fruits of the spirit and walking by the spirit. You’re required to stay in tune to God’s voice throughout each day and let HIM lead your actions. When you do, you will BECOME a strong believer simply by walking in step with Him. So freckled face, crooked teeth, bushy-brow twelve year old girl, embrace your beauty! This beauty that is not your own, but found in the One who created you and lives inside you. The one who is molding you day by day to be more like His beloved, perfect Son. Nothing you can do wrong will make Him love you less, not anything you do right can cause Him to love you more. His love for you is everlasting. Oh how I wish you could see this in yourself. Yes you make mistakes. But they don’t define you. You are a sinner saved by grace-a power that is made perfect in weakness…so boast about your flaws! Those bushy brows and momentary crooked teeth. Where you are weak, He is made strong. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and the eyes of The Beholder of the universe thinks your pretty great…to the point of dying an excruciating death for you so you don’t have to. Now that is love! So just have faith dear little one, faith in your Lord Jesus Christ. This is not a feeling, rather, a choice of rather rewarding value, for one day soon we will hear those beloved words “well done good and faithful one. Welcome to the place you belong.” And we will see our savior face to face. So you’re right in your feelings of not belonging, this world is not your home. But in the meantime, you are where you are for a reason, so let’s receive Christ’s love for you that was poured out on the cross. You will see the fruits evident of His Spirit working in your life. Now go love others in this kind of love. For we love because He first loved us. Oh how I wish I would have known better because I hadn’t yet learned what I knew now. Today I forgive my younger self. Your walk with the Lord is a continual journey but oh so rewarding so stop faking and just be you-the you He created you to be-crooked teeth, freckles, bushy eyebrows and all!

  • What Doesn’t Kill You Will Try Again

    I’ve heard it said, “What doesn’t kill you will probably try again tomorrow.”
    That’s just life in a fallen world. The devil prowls around like a roaring Lion seeking those to devour, but GOD! God is stronger than the what ifs of tomorrow where the enemy tries to belittle you and turn you away from the Lover of your soul. God is the One who chases after you all the more. Will suffering try to over take us?
    Yes.
    But God can use even the difficulties of hardship to draw us to Himself. Invite Him into your hard. Today’s hard, yesterday’s hard AND tomorrow’s hard. Christ was, is, and will be there to guide and protect you. What doesn’t kill you and try to kill you, is surrounded and encompassed by a Loving God who relentlessly pursues you and is after you to purify your heart. He’s with you in the lion’s den. He’s with you in the dessert. He’s with you in the storm. He’s with you in your sickness. He’s with you in your grief. He’s with you no matter your thorn in your flesh, and He will be there tomorrow when you feel overcome by the mere thought of your life’s dealings. This is not the end. Christ is with you in your hard. He’s protecting you from the enemy in ways you are unable to fathom and one day soon we will be restored to our heavenly bodies with Christ, where the devil will, and cannot touch you because of your dedication and persistence to follow and worship Christ in all circumstances here on the earth.
    So make it a goal to pursue Christ even more than the enemy is after you, because even with the two of your persistences together, you cannot out-pursue God’s love for you as His child. God’s love is infinite!

    This earth is riddled by the effects of sin so yes, “what doesn’t kill you will try again tomorrow,” but Christ is already there, so there’s nothing to fear!

  • Wash Others Feet

    Jesus serves as an example that
    From the dirt of our feet,
    To the redemption of man,
    God sending His son to a mess
    Was God’s plan.

    You see God sent His Son,
    Once and for all.
    Sending Jesus down to earth,
    Suffering most by getting mauled.

    Christ died on the cross,
    Wiping all sin away.
    Pathing a path to spend our
    Time with Him all our days.

    The night before however,
    Before dying on the cross,
    Jesus put aside Himself
    And washed His friend’s feet with His cloth.

    The washing of dirty feet serves as a symbol.
    The reminder of sin being washed clean.
    It serves now as a reminder,
    There’s more behind this image to be seen.

    Christ came to serve, not be served.
    And so then shall we.
    Proclaiming and demonstrating
    Love comes down to help the least of these.

    Regardless of your own circumstances,
    get down in other’s dirt.
    Show fellow sinners there’s redemption to be found with Jesus,
    Even in the most ultimate of hurts.

  • Doubting the Presence of Wounds

    Thomas said of his friend Jesus,
    “I don’t believe You until I see Your wounds.”
    How many times do we think that of our own friends’ physical pain, illnesses, or disabilities?
    The suffering that goes unnoticed.
    The hurting behind closed doors.
    “I don’t believe you until I see your wounds.”
    What else does it take to be believed by others?
    Healing in this lifetime?
    The resurrection of our lifeless bodies happening right now, in our own timing?
    “I don’t believe You until I see Your wounds.”
    How many times do we ask this of our Savior, just like Thomas, but without actually visibly seeing Jesus’ wounds yet?
    I’m thankful our Savior answers these questions by painting a beautiful picture answer of saving grace for us found in the Bible.
    Your wounds may not physically flee here in your earthly life,
    but wounds are meant to be seen and known,
    not necessarily by others, but by our Perfect Empath.
    The Empath who died and rose again
    and made a way to heaven
    for all who believe.
    The Empath who eradicated all hurts by the Hands that hurt for you.
    You see, Thomas knew Jesus personally.
    He saw and witnessed the greatest hurt of all.
    Jesus dying a brutal, painful death.
    Nails in His Hands.
    Nails in His Feet.
    Crown of thorns on His Head.
    Spear in His Side.
    The Savior of the World,
    bearing the weight of our greatest hurts on His shoulders.
    The most deadly of invisible illnesses and disabilities that could have claimed our very own life
    now resting upon the Only One who could and would save us.
    The result of a world of sin-infected souls killing a sinless Man when it should have been us on that tree.
    Yet still, when the Man with all authority rose from the dead, it wasn’t just Jesus telling Who He is to Thomas that made Thomas believe.
    It was what Thomas saw.
    The sight of the only wounds that matter.
    The sight of Jesus’ wounds as He ascended up to heaven again,
    With wounds that heal the wounded because Christ is alive.
    So what if it’s our very own wounds made visible to others that tell the story of Jesus stooping low,
    Scooping up the outcast and loving all of us, the least of these?
    A love putting pain on full display just to stoop down low 2,000+ years later,
    to comfort you and your friend’s hurting mind and body.
    It’s because of the sight of wounds Thomas believed.
    It’s because of the sight of God working in our own wounds our friends can believe too.
    With Jesus, we aren’t promised the absence of wounds in this life,
    Rather, the very presence of God shining down on us, IN our wounds.
    Jesus is the perfect example.
    Look to the healing wounds of Jesus, and by faith, you will one day experience for yourself
    the only wounds to be found in Heaven.
    The wounds that came to heal but not be healed.

  • International Women’s Day

    Happy International Women’s Day! Let’s celebrate this day, NOT just because and not because it’s a catchy social trend, but because we have the best reason to! We, the people of God, know better than anyone else the value of females, made in God’s image. The world was incomplete with only Adam. God needed an Eve to fulfill His design and for the image of God to be made complete. So, know your worth as a daughter of the King. This International Women’s Day, let’s honor the Creator of the world by honoring his daughters around the world. Let’s speak up for the marginalized. Let’s be the Light to the weary soul. There’s so many fellow women living in slavery, sexual exploitation, poverty, oppression…let’s be the voice that in Christ, we are enough! That God has a specific plan for their life, that their identity and hardships they may encounter because of their gender are NOT wasted! That God has a specific, wonderful, glorious plan for their life and because of His grand design, we can look in the mirror and see God because we are made in His image! Be reminded of HIS truths this day!!

  • Don’t Wait to Live

    The whole chronic illness life is a waiting game. Waiting for appointments. Waiting for a doctor to believe you. Waiting to see what benefits you qualify for. Waiting to feel better. Waiting on medicines. etc. etc.
    But with all this waiting and waiting, one thing we are NOT waiting on is waiting to live. We can live WHILE we are waiting! It’s all apart of a glorious tapestry He is weaving in your life as you trust and obey. Waiting is biblical. Look to Jesus and you will find that He’s had seasons of waiting too:
    Jesus waited 40 days in the wilderness.
    He waited approximately 30 years before dying on the cross.
    Jesus waited 3 days before rising again.
    He waits now for His second coming.
    All this waiting Jesus did was a fulfillment of God’s greater plan of redemption. If He would’ve waited impatiently, tapping His fingers all grumpily, we wouldn’t be here to tell of His greatness. He lived and was true to His Father in Heaven, worshipping in the waiting.
    So, chronic illness warrior: may your waiting point to the One who gives meaning in the wait. May we choose to live like Jesus during our waiting, and not once we receive a desired outcome. May all we do, in work, deed, or even just our very being, point to the One who truly matters. But may we never fall into the trap of not living life abundantly and to the full in our waiting. May God be glorified in all we do and don’t do, because ALL life is worth living because He lives!

  • Love suffers long

    “Makrothymia” in Greek means “long suffering love.” It’s the type of love that was displayed in God sending His only Son for us, bearing the weight of the world on His shoulders, being rejected by His own, and dying an excruciating death on the cross for all of mankind. His love was on full display satisfying His wrath once and for all. God’s love came at a price. He’s the definition of love and “love suffers long” (1 Corinthians 13:4a)
    Just as Christ displayed makrothymia to His Father in Heaven, we too, are called to have a long suffering love back to God. Some of “the fruits of the Spirit are love…long suffering…” (Galatians 5:22 KJV) It’s a guarantee in our walk with Christ. We all are called to long suffering in different ways, and some of us bear it lovingly, others bear with moping and complaining, (and it can change minute by minute, hour by hour, day to day) May we deliberately choose to bear our long suffering in love for God as this is our only chance to makrothymia, as there is no such thing as long suffering in Heaven. May we too, carry our crosses in love like Jesus did and not annoyance. May you free us of the strongholds of complaining and infuse in us a joy that comes through makrothymia-ing for God. May we ultimately remember that God is love and love suffers long. May we become more like Him in how we live today. May it be so for us all.

  • Life word goals

    If I could sum up my life goals in six short sentences, this would be it. It’s what has kept me persevering in affliction for 6 years now.

    Know Jesus.

    Press on.

    Stand firm.

    Suffer strong.

    Hope heals.

    Peace provided.

    I can remember the moment clearly. The first time I was introduced to word goals for a new year. It was February, and my parents were getting ready to drop me off at a year long rehab. We knew it wouldn’t be easy. But my parents entrusted God with their 21 year old daughter that day that He would do the mending.

    As we were about a mile away from our destination, my dad turned off the radio and addressed my hurting heart.

    “I’ve been praying and studying the book of Philippians and in these coming months I want you to hold on tight to and live out these 3 truths.

    Know Jesus.

    Press on.

    Stand firm.”

    My dad then went on to preach for a couple minutes, but I was too fixated on what lied ahead for me and my illness that was ravaging my mind and the trials that lied ahead of me, that I tuned out. But it was those very 3 phrases that I grasped in those coming ten months in rehab and that eventually led me to rededicating my life to Christ.

    You see, life is a journey of ups and downs. We don’t always see the ups, but when we focus on our Anchor and seek to know Christ in His crucifixion, and Christ in His resurrection, we are enlightened to more of the ups than downs. Some may call it looking on the bright side. I call it gazing heavenward.

    I tried my best to press on in the battle of anxiety, depression, and addictions. I tried my best to press on through a rigorous rehab schedule and pressed on even when abuse surrounded me there. I knew I had to. I had no choice but to press on in the pursuit of Christ. It was my calling to live for God even when my mind and so-called allys were against me.

    I learned to stand firm on the promises of Christ my Savior. I saw my way out was the Bible even when it was the very thing that was held and twisted over my head. I knew that the enemy was intending to harm me with the very thing Christ sent to love on me. God’s Word became the salve for my every wound. I came through on the other side of my rehab journey. I was shell shocked from the trauma I endured, motivated to honor God, and physically sicker than ever before. 58% of trauma sufferers develop an autoimmune disease or other chronic illness. I hit the jackpot winning FND, asthma and other lung diseases, syncope, possible disautonomia, gastroperesis, cyclical vomiting syndrome, fibromyalgia, chronic migraine, and so much more. Anyways, these new health battles needed some new encouragement. I realized through the help of Katherine Wolfe and her books by these two titles, that I needed, yet again, a motivation for my suffering. I had to suffer strong now with Jesus simply because I have all of eternity to live with Jesus without suffering. What a gift to be entrusted with when thought about in that lens!

    I learned that Hope really does heal in life. It’s the “habit of hope that carries me when the feeling of hope fails me. (Katherine Wolfe)

    That it is only through our hope in Christ that true healing comes and peace which surpasses all understanding is found in Christ Jesus our Lord.

    Biblically focused words or phrases to meditate on in the new year doesn’t automatically “fix your problems”, but it does give you the encouragement to keep on. A gift in the form of motivation. It’s my motto I guess you could say in life, and the story behind this blog’s theme. I still continue to struggle with various ailments, and when I do, I remember those six simple phrases:

    Know Jesus.

    Press on.

    Stand firm.

    Suffer strong.

    Hope heals.

    Peace provided.

    I hope you realize through this blog that even though your suffering may be chronic, Jesus is iconic, and with Him, our yearly words and phrases have meaning and our pain given a purpose. May you sense your suffering cease as you meditate on the only suffering that mattered, Jesus Christ. You are loved at a price my friends! Not even suffering can snatch you from His nail scarred fingertips! Not mental illness, not trauma, not chronic illness. It ALL unites us to Him!

  • New Beginnings

    Any day is a chance to change old habits. Every day is a reminder of second chances.
    Each hour holds an unwinding of endless possibilities, God ordained, just for you!
    every second of every minute is a reminder to lean on Him. Uncurdle your mess, your struggles, your tears into words only understood by your Father. He loves you. He cares for you. A new year isn’t the only time to set goals. Relationships with God aren’t a one day a year thing….there’s 365 days in a year as a reminder that each day holds more possibilities for worship, for praise, for bowing down before our Creator King in awe and wonder for the beauty you choose to see all around you. Choose to see Christ. And if you fail one day, as we all do….forgive yourself as Jesus forgives you 24/7, just don’t give up in the pursuit of Christ! If you didn’t finish that read your Bible in a year plan, pick right up where you started and make it a read your Bible in 2years plan (or even 5 year plan!). Just never give up. Life is at your own pace. But what never should stop, is your pursuit of Christ. Relationships take WORK! Life is worth the fight. Christ’s loving arms waiting for you on the other side welcoming you home at just the right time declaring “Well done, my good and faithful servant! Well done!” May we never cease making and achieving goals until we reach our ultimate reward Jesus Christ, no matter the day, week, hour, minute or second. May we give ourselves freedom for fresh starts, new beginnings, and attaining freedom only found in Him. May we declare with our whole being that Jesus saves, yes, even a wretch like me and you! He’s in the business of saving lives, and not only on January 1st. Jesus loves you friends, and so do I! Turn to Him today and repent, be saved, and go on rejoicing and savoring all the sweetness found in knowing Christ our Lord and Savior! Happy new year! May our love for Jesus be renewed as we start everyday, and not just when we start a new year. May this be the year we seek to know Him more and accomplish HIS agenda, and not our own. It’s so much more than a New Year’s resolution. It’s a way of life living in tandem with the Spirit. Take time to draw near and rest with Him today! This life is a journey that has a fresh start every second, let’s not get caught up in the disappointments of failed goals when we can keep going and do the next thing. Happy new year and remember, every moment is a moment for new beginnings!